That simple act of stepping up to help a server clear dishes might seem like just good manners or a small favor. But surprisingly, it reveals much more about who you are deep down. Everyday actions like this can offer a window into your personality and values, showing a side of you that everyday words might not capture.
Why helping servers says a lot about your character
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At first glance, lending a hand to clear the table looks like a polite gesture, almost automatic in social settings. But psychologists argue that it’s a reflection of deeper human traits. When someone spontaneously offers help without being asked, it’s not just kindness—it signals a prosocial mindset, an instinct to support others with no expectation of reward.
In our fast-paced world where times feel constantly rushed and people often focus on themselves, such acts stand out as rare and valuable. Lachlan Brown, a psychologist and journalist, explains that those who regularly engage in helpful behavior tend to be more empathetic, with a genuine desire to build sincere human connections. It’s not about showing off—it’s about caring enough to make someone’s day a little easier.
The psychology behind prosocial behavior and empathy
Helping a server clear plates goes beyond a practical favor—it embodies what psychologists call active empathy. That’s the ability to truly feel and understand what another person is experiencing. It’s not pity or duty, but a heartfelt urge to lighten someone else’s burden, even if just by a small gesture.
Renowned researcher Martin L. Hoffman points out that sincere empathy drives people to take action to alleviate others’ difficulties. This means helping isn’t about recognition but about a genuine wish to improve someone else’s situation. It also reflects a heightened social awareness: the skill to see others’ needs without judgment and to honor the dignity of all work, from servers to CEOs.
How helping servers reflects humility and respect
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People who step up to help without hesitation often hold a vision of equality. There’s no attempt to assert superiority or seek praise—only sincere respect for others and their contributions. This quiet discipline places doing the right thing above seeking approval.
In a world driven by competition and self-promotion, these small acts feel like a breath of fresh air—a subtle but powerful way to nurture kindness daily. I remember one bustling brunch when I helped a server clear our table. It wasn’t much, but seeing her relieved smile afterward made me realize how these minor moments ripple out, spreading goodwill.
Of course, it’s important to remember that not everyone has the same motivation when they help. Psychology reminds us to be cautious—some gestures arise from social pressure, habits, or personal reasons. But regardless of why, these little acts build social bonds and foster mutual understanding.
Have you ever found yourself helping a stranger or server and noticed how it changed both your mood and theirs? What small acts of kindness have brightened your days? Share your experiences below—let’s celebrate these meaningful moments that often speak louder than words. It’s in these gestures that true connection blooms.
I took a box of chocolates to a plumbing firm to say thank you to the plumber who had cleaned up a load of c…from my drain! As a nurse I have received much gratitude.from patients, but I don’t think plumbers are generally thanked in this way!
He only expects you to serve him. It makes him feel less because your act of kindness goes out to someone else besides him. He is humiliated because it is not about him.
That was such a psycho comment
Agreed
There’s a cellular lot to unpack in this comment.
What are you even referring to? Certainly not the comment regarding the kind gesture about how the nurse thanked her plumber?? I’ve gotta be missing something because otherwise that comment would be insane!
A load of what you say 😄 🤣 😂
Do you want my number 😄
I was taught that just because you pay for something doesn’t mean you forgot how to treat people. Do onto other that which you would have be done onto yourself. Also do what you can when you can because we cannot do everything all the time but if we do a little extra to help others maybe it will catch on lead by example
Hear, Hear…👍
That is concept around Karma.
They do not need to be thanked or tipped. You PAY plumbers (a lot) for their services.
Yo need to be a lot kinder and to love a little more.
I totally agree!
They don’t need to be thanked or tipped but life is short and if you feel like being nice, do it.
If you feel like reminding others that they don’t need to be nice, you probably put your own kindness in your shadow and are acting resentful towards a strangers kindness because you “hate” niceness now. But you are not whole. Whatever is in your shadow needs to be brought out so it doesn’t control you
Everyone needs to be thanked even if you are paying them. That’s just common courtesy. No they don’t need to be tipped but taking something nice by the office is a kind gesture
A stranger helped me get my 95 year old grandmother out of my parked vehicle to get into the post office. My grandmother and I were both thankful to have the gentleman and his smile let us know he was happy to help.
Random acts of kindness always appreciated.
Thank you! My husband tells me doing this makes me look subservient or like I’m a control freak! I know neither is true and tell him I’m just helping out, but he has no respect for the jesture. I also help people find their sleeve if they’re struggling but he was just watch them struggle! I don’t respect that.
Ugh i am sorry for what seems to be your husband’s lack of genuine empathy towards your fellow human beings, but please don’t EVER let that change one bit of who you are, nor question your actions ! The world needs more good, selfless, and compassionate people <3
Eek. Reminds me of my ex-husband/tormentor. I ‘allowed’ him to (gradually) denigrate and dismiss my heart, spirit and soul-respect…in the name of love. His unyielding (emotional/verbal/financial) abuse nearly destroyed me. That I survived is a testament to emotional truth. It took years of painful struggling to decompress and heal from those traumas. I will always resist being manipulated or “subserviant” to another perpetrator. ..ever!
On the same exact boat. Now we can see all the lies can’t we? The world is full of them.
Being in the industry 20+ years we will pretend to be appreciative of the helping hand because that’s apart of hospitality. But in reality you’re causing the employee to have anxiety, slowing them down and ruining their rhythm. Just let the workers do their thing. What you can do is make sure their are areas on the plate that are not gross so we don’t have to get food on our hands to pick up your plate. And don’t lay silverware flat on the plate covering it in food and making it impossible to pick up without sticking your hand in food.
40 yrs in the restaurant business & I appreciate all helpful gestures from my guests. Go ahead & stack plates, consolidate table trash & organize as much of the mess as you like. If you don’t quite get it right , the gesture is still appreciated!
To the parents who clean up their babies/kids messes on the floor: you are extra special & appreciated!
Hear, hear!
And please leave a nice tip, it doesn’t have to be huge, but at least over three dollars 😂
I thought of this as soon as I read the article. I used to help them heard they didn’t like it. My friends in food service tell me the worst is when you stack the plates “for them”. I’ve also seen people do this when they’re just impatient about getting the dishes in front of them cleared. I’ll hand things to a server if the reach is long, but mostly I’ll try to keep my hands back and stay out of the way! Thanks for affirming this, because my first instinct is to help.
Nope, stack everything neatly, 1 dish for the garbage, silver ware in a stack on the plates. I worked as a server for years, and have taken a course for food service in college, and another on human ergonomics. It saves the server time and energy, shows you are a caring person. Thank you.
It costs nothing to be kind!
My husband thinks the same. I DONT CARE WHAT HE THINKS! We need to have values and care for each other , IF NOT WE -HUMANS IN THIS PLANET WILL DIE in Desperation, ON INDIFERENCE. ETC..
IT WILL BE HELL ON PLANET EARTH. We are almost there!
Wow, my husbands gets truly annoyed when i clean up for the server. Always saying leave it! Its not your job! I still try
20 years in restaurants here. What I can say about the matter is simple. In life, we are either making messes, or cleaning them up. In hospitality, i.e hotels if you make a mess of your room, there is no expectation for you to clean after yourself. You might be charged a cleaning fee if you mess up a hotel room enough. Restaurants are a bit different when it comes to hospitality. I would venture to say that all servers appreciate a tidy diner, but should be willing and able to deal with those that aren’t. Pre-bussing should be included in service, and there is no excuse not to do it. For the non-iniated, Pre-bussing is when a plate is cleared after it is done. In the end, there isn’t much excuse for a server that neglects this. However, I would say terms and conditions do apply. By and far we all strive to provide the moment and the conditions that might include, but every situation is different as well as your expectation of service. We do what we can and hope it’s enough.
I was once a waitress, and I totally emphasize with servers! And I clean my table, stack my dishes push in my chair, and leave a good TIP 😂
I can’t tell you how it hurts to see a large party or group come in, running the wait staff silly with drink requests, and then leave a huge mess! And leave without placing a single cent in a TIP on the table😡!
I almost want to 😢 for the servers
I agree. Don’t let anyone change who you are. 😊❤️ There have been times in the grocery store, where I will help someone out. They thank me and I tell them, “we are all in this together.” And we are. Kindness goes a long way and it comes back to you in an unexpected way.
Zm
We have to seek and find the good. It’s out there. We lead by example and others will follow. Keep the faith [ I mean the true faith and not the twisted ones out there now that Jesus would be saddened by].
👋 hello, he is judging based on his perspective. Trying to make his bad behaviour the “right” one, and make you feel bad. I lived that, and in my 50’s met a man who will stop to help strangers. Go help neighbors whose roof collapsed and can’t afford help. He and I help people and “stop” each other when it is too much (when we can’t afford it)/or a person who takes advantage. I hope you find a co-conspirator for your random acts of kindness. Bless you for your lovely heart!
That’s sweet
That’s beautiful
Love that….
You got lucky with that Man!
What an awesome reply! I have a saying. “Some people test my faith, others restore it.” Thank you for being the latter and not the prior. There are so many amazing people out there. The fun part, is I get to meet so many people in my day to day that my work never seems unfulfilled nor boring.
Together we can make the world a better place, one plate at a time.
Don’t overthink it 😊 if your prompted to be thoughtful like that… your heart is probably in the right place. A good tip I’ve learned in my 65 years is check your motives in thinking and doing with others. If the motive is driven by kindness and not to hurt anyone, go for it! ~
Deep. Deep reflection. He thinks he needs to be the Alpha male in a situation where the subSERVERvient is already subservient to him. And because he can. And not a benevolent ALPHA.
Not to mention what a server is capable of doing. It’s best to have them like you.
Would you lift a finger to help your kids? They’re subservient to you. Do people report to you at work. Would you lift a finger to help if one were struggling? Is dad a great? Is the boss a great guy? Time for him to look under the hood.
My family gets upset with me, too. 8 feel a human connection when I participate in an act of kindness
As a person who’s been clearing tables for 20+ years it can mean many different things including what your husband said also what the article said. Context matters. But in general don’t help the server, busser, or food runner clear your table. You most likely will do things in a manner that limits how much a busser can carry or stack on a tray. Also all of these workers have experienced spills and breaking of class or plates because of this. You may not cause that to happen and the worker couldn’t know that so you’re giving them anxiety. Just let them do their thing.
I don’t agree, l’ve helped by just handing the dishes over to them so they don’t have to reach over the table. I also place them close to the edge.
Once at a very understaffed nightclub l helped out by picking up empty glasses and taking them to the barkeep, she was very grateful. I have worked in this business and l always appreciated it when customers treated me like a partner rather than a servant.
I can totally respect this!
Especially for a large group!
You are simply being a positive member of society, he is not. My wife and I do the same in both cases.
Read Philippines 2:3 & 4
Men don’t get it unless they actually have a kind heart. But they like to be served.
Pretty broad statement…
I’ve always helped clear the table. It sounds like a lot of you married the wrong men. Ones that weren’t raised right IMO.
I too get pushback from table mates when I take such action… I’ve not been deterred, it’s just how I roll, helping whenever or wherever I can.
My millennial age children give me grief when I help clear, trying to turn the gesture into something bad. As a former server, I do it anyway.
Leave him at home in future
This article resonated with me. Clearing my own table at a restaurant, holding a door for others at a store, helping to bag groceries, tidying and tipping in my hotel room, food service at church, polite driving, and chatting with an Uber driver are all little pro-social things that I just noticed I do.
Thank you,
Humanity.
Read Philippines 2: 3 & 4
I do all the time
Can’t help it, but it is bad manners .
I agree, it is bad manners. As a former server I can attest, it made my job harder when people stacked the plates. People may think they are helping and being kind but it’s best to let the servers do their job and leave your plates in front of you.
Thank you! As a former server I noticed the people who did this the most were the lowest tippers. Servers make good money in most places – let them do their job.
I clear my table. And I also tip good. Even if their nice or mean to me. But after a while I’ll ask them about there day. And that helps them to feel better.
I disagree…I was a server and it helped me to clear the table faster, and I always appreciated when people gave a lending hand.
Thank you! those other servers Not wanting help hurt my feelings I Always clean up after eating at a restaurant, moving any uneaten food to 1 plate then any other garbage on top.
We went out to dinner last night and we stacked our plates and our server went out of her way to thank us and said she really appreciated it. You’re only one person. I’ve had several severs over the years express their gratitude so please don’t speak for all servers
Yeah … I have a friend who does this and it seems like he’s messing up the system and not really helping.
But he keeps doing it. He is a good tipper though
Of course with that attitude any thought of helping out even with my dirty plate is out.
As a former server and a frequent flyer at restaurants. I am guilty of cleaning up napkins, extra silverware etc. I personally want that plate moved to the edge of the table not in front of me when im done. I’m the one paying and usually tipping above the standard amount so if the server is annoyed by my clean-up job they need a different profession.
Me too. Sometimes it has been seen as a bad behaviour. Unfortunately we aren’t neighbours 🙂 We could just be nice and let the others watch each other struggle. Hope your day is wonderful.
Why is it bad manners to help another person?
It’s not bad manners it’s very good manners to help somebody in fact it’s just the opposite it’s Bad Manners not to help somebody lots of people fail to realize we’re not here just for ourselves where here to help one another I was a server and I always appreciated what people did which is one of the reasons I will help move dishes out to the end of the table where they can be reached easier the simple way to decide what’s right is ask yourself what would I appreciate if I was in their shoes
I help a young lady get her car cooled down yesterday after it over heated. I was the only one out of many people whom drove by her. I was the only one who stopped and helped her get her car going again. All it took was 2 bottles of spring water that I already had in my truck. It always feels good to be kind. She was so sweet and I don’t even know her.
I appreciate when gentlemen hold the door for me. In traffic, I try to let others go ahead, at a restaurant, I do stack the dishes and just smiling sets a positive tone.
My friend always helps clear the table. He sometimes takes dishes to the holding area. I had always ask him not to do this. Because I am a senior citizen, I still adhere to the manners that were described in the early etiquette books that you should not move your plate after eating so that they bus person could remove it. Same advice was really dispensed from the so-called etiquette books in the 40s 50s 60s and 70s. I don’t know if these have been updated. One thing is certain this article makes me realize that things have changed and we should disregard previous manners advice regarding table habits.
I wish this writer had taken the time to do a little more research. If they had, they would have made it clear here that, contrary to popular belief, it is actually NOT helping when patrons take it upon themselves to help clear the table. Each restaurant has its own system for clearing, and customers often stack and organize in ways that make the task more difficult and/or time consuming. If you truly desire to help, you should leave things alone. Pass it on.
As a former server, yes, when the guest stacked their own plates it was often more difficult to carry them back, but the motive behind the stacking was never overlooked by me. More helpful was when they moved the plate to the end of the table, so I didn’t have to reach across one or more people to clear it. Old manners dictated that you shouldn’t stack, but there were also clear signs that the diner could leave to signal that they were finished with their meal, for instance the orientation of flatware. I served for 19 years, and there were a handful of times that this “proper” signal was used. Every server has a different way of pre-bussing their tables. There were plenty of times my fellow coworkers stacked for me, and it made it more difficult to carry as well. Be friendly to your servers, and just do your best and think about how the stack will be carried. Beware the silverware, especially the unbalance knives!
I’ll keep stacking when I dine out.
I too have been a server myself for many years. And had to endure several chores growing up as a child. I feel that it is part of personality to help clean up or whatever had to be done.
It’s a good feeling to help out and do what is right.
I agree, if past habits or being nice by helping others is wrong I choose to be wrong.
I always do the restaurant thing I was a waitress and appreciated it when folks piled up and separated trash with their dirty dishes and placed the condiments back in place. Time is of essence when turning over a table. Thanks to all.😘
If someone doesnt help clean up or treats a waiter poorly thats a huge red flag for me. I usually dont befriend people like that, or I cut people out.
We dont share the same values.
Its a great test of character for me.
Well, sometimes helping a server clear the table makes it more problematic, because they have their own effective way of clearing the table, even though it’s well intended. Just place your cutlery together at 4 o’clock position, glasses placed for easy access, and no napkins crumbled in the dishes. So from the psychology point of view of a helper you’re a nice person, and the servers will also see you as a nice person but would prefer no help at all, it makes it so much easier for them. Tip them well, thank them very sincerely, and put your chair properly back close to the table.
For me, it’s an automatic gesture. To open a door, smile, compliment parents on well behaved children, take a basket for an elderly person, help a server put plates, silverware together takes only a raindrop in time.
“I’m offended! Someone tried to help me!!” Just be appreciative of any sign of care.
When I stay in a hotel, I always remove sheets from the bed and gather up towels and wash cloths. I know housekeeping has only a certain time allowance for each room. Why not make their job a little easier?
I am this person, I have always been. I have never been mistreated by being this type of person.
I have taught my 4 children to also live in this way.
Life is so full of negative vibes and I feel that empathy, good manners respect towards our elders is lacking so much in the USA. Blessings to all 🫠🙏🏻🫶
For sure! I agree! Small-town habits to help your neighbors. Unfortunately the influx of city folks with different values and culture also really stands out. The impatience, rude driving habits and attitudes that “me first” is the way to go. I disagree! I try unobtrusively to make as many people smile while I’m out and about
I hold doors for the person behind regardless of sex or age. I try to learn something from every patient I care for. I get enormous joy by brightening someone’s day. Who knows how far the simple act of kindness may ripple! It’s simply the Golden Rule in action! How would you like to be treated? Simple.
My family and I have worked restauraunts and retail our entire lives, and we love when people clean up after themselves. Just because there are people to clean up, doesnt mean you cant clean up after yourself. Theres nothing worse than the customers that makr huge messes and dont even think twice about it! I will continue to clean up after myself at a restaurant whether people like it or not. It always helped me out! I think people who leave messes everywhere are extremwly lazy and pnly think of themselves.
I make a point of saying, “ thank you for your service. “. We are quick to tell the police & military thanks for your service. Yet, thanking those who directly serve us and impact the quality of our daily lives is neglected. Try it! The gratitude for the recognition balances out the harsh treatment of others.
I’m sure WE are in the minority and that alone is why I try sharing kindness to others. Maybe those receiving will experience a warmer heart and share with others thru their journey in life. This world we live in can NEVER have enough kindness. I’ve probably been like this since a very young age and I”m 75 young. Married going on 50 years and I promise you my husband still doesn’t get me. Most recently, I took Chocolates to the FED EX girls/people while mailing packages….they are always so helpful and always smiling. I love the smiles! I offer the mailman/lady/person bottle water. Just to show him/her WE appreciate their service. I do table kindness too! I could go on and on…..and I can tell you ALL, it has always been well received. Maybe it helps and yet I don’t claim to have all the knowledge on this subject yet, I can honestly say “I think it’s a win, win for everyone”
I have read enough articles about how servers don’t want help but I do collect my trash and put it into a small pile on the table, return the salt shaker where it belongs, ketchup bottle, etc. That way I’m not disrupting their routine but I try to make it a little easier by tidying up my own mess.
I help straighten up my table, hold doors, give people help whenever it is needed. And I love when I’m helped in any way it’s called kindness nothing else.
Be nice, do their job for them & save money on the tip.
Be nice, do their job for them & save money on the tip. People don’t go out to eat as a favor to an employee. People go out to have freedom to do what that want to feel comfortable & not to be held to any communist rules. As People say about Christians, this is a different day in age. We’ll clean up if we choose & not tip if we choose.
You cheap as hell.
Please don’t ever go out to eat again with that frame of thought.
Well now I’m confused, “to help or not help?”( after a meal at a restaurant,) I feel I need more information about this, as I have always tried to help after restaurant meals, I now fear I was just adding headache to their day?
my son who has been in the hospitality business for many years, they realize helping them them clear the table is a nice gesture and customers thing they are helping but they are actually making more work for everyone. yes the servers know the fastest and most productive way to stack everything the way the busers have to make them for the kitchen help to put the dishes in the washers and the food in the disposals. we try not to interfere with the process because we are making more work and more time for them. Also the dishes are sometimes very heavy and they have to stack them in a certain way just to carry them. just don’t make your plate look like a trash bin by cleaning out your pockets and purses and
Would you make a diagnosis for a Doctor? Take your own vitals. Let everyone do what they are there for! BOUNDARIES. every profession needs more of them.
I was a server a long time ago. I always appreciated anything someone did to help me. Dont read more in to it than there is. Its a kind gesture.
My wife and I have always done this. I do not remember who started this but even when all three of our children were young we would do this and leave a tip as large as we could. As a military family we have also always had a welcoming home offering “hand ups” when ever we have been able too and have been blessed to recive a few our selves. I am not about “equality” as it is pushed today. However no one in my family is above or below any one else, and we do our best to pay it foward.
I used to be a server and I always appreciated when people handed me their dishes or stacked them up. I learned how to load a dishwasher cart properly plates w/plates, bowls with bowls cups with cups silver separate it really helps the dishwasher. I also worked for several private clubs, where I could tell who came in what kind of class they really were or they thought they were. 2good for me you certainly could tell. All I was was a kid in college trying to get some extra money to help myself there was some nasty people in those private places I won’t buy from the places they own still.
Didn’t realize servers prefer to do their own thing either cleaning the table. I tend to stack plates neatly nested with all the silverware on top for a quick grab and go. All servers thanked me
Never heard a “why did you do that?”
50% of the plate wasn’t very dirty until you put your friends leftovers on the bottom. Stacking plates is not cool at all. Plates get scraped in back before they enter the machine. You just got food all over the persons hands that just unstacked them and you have now made the self contained water recycling system 2x as dirty as it would of been. Now they have to change the water 2x as often as before. Your are causing a sanitation disaster let alot destroying some efficiently on the dish end of a restaurant!
I just can’t help myself at a restaurant! I have also heard you shouldn’t do, so I just try to gather trash and move stuff towards the end of the table. If someone has nice shoes, or an outfit, I compliment them. A kind word can make someone’s day – you just never know.
Just don’t cram the napkins into the glassware.
I don’t know if this will count, but each and every time I see a police officer or other important authority figure, I always kindly thank him or her for their services. I also commend them for a great job at protecting the good people from the evil and some antihero-like people.
Unfortunately, in a world that has been severely tainted from stupidity, fury, and avarice, it seems as if this little pleasantry is definitely becoming more and more uncommon each day. Please try to boost morale for the local police; I know a lot of us hate the brutality they dish out, but it’s necessary, and it’s always to protect any law abiding citizen who could accidentally get in the crosshairs of a real criminal. Yes, I know there are some bad cops out there; but, the good ones are found much more often. Here’s a little food for thought: if there were zero police officers available to help someone who really needed it, even for just one day, would there be more peace with lower overall crime rates? If I was my own judge, jury and executioner, I absolutely doubt it. So, think twice before acting judgemental in any way with a police officer, even if it’s a plain clothed one. Because what if a criminal of some type was after you, and you really needed help from your local police department?
I am in the habit of finding lost children in town so I help them to find their mums or dads. As for helping to clear the table in Cafes or Restaurants I do that. I give to homeless people on the street and stick to one only. I hold doors open for people. I let a person with only a few items go before me I’m the Supermarket queue.
I help people cross the road if they need help.. I guide blind people. There are so many acts of kindness. I know if someone is kind to me it makes my day. I feel noticed and respected. I also thank the bus driver. The list goes on. I am not boasting. These things come naturally as it is my nature so keep on showing kindness people. It makes the world go round with happiness.
My husband & I both help clean the table, stack plates, silverware. We have both worked with the public and have experienced pure rudeness & know that a little kindness goes a long way. I also think it’s how we were raised. To be polite, decent humans.
I’m an empath.. I know what I would want if I were serving someone: speak nicely but quickly, clearly, please, thank you, I appreciate… and someone to come clean up the table so I don’t have to do it. I certainly can’t take the riches from the table back to the dishwasher, so I will put everything on one plate, silverware in a cup, trash all on one spot, wipe the table. Leave it cleaner than I found it. In fact, I do that because people are generally horrible to others anymore. And I even leave a nice tip, even if the service sucks. That’s a hard job!
I’ve always the table thoroughly after a meal out with my family. My children have always helped and by now, my oldest nearing 27 and the baby 5, it’s automatic for them. I’ve never thought anything of it other than we made the mess, we should at least be considerate and clean it. That’s what we do at home, right? My ex husband was so rude I once told him he’d apologize to the server or I was walking out. My now husband helps us clean the table and is so pleasant and engaging with anyone approaching our table. This article explained why I am happier in my 2nd marriage. A man that jumps in and encourages and participates in extending good will is a good man.
Always Pu p cutlery dishes neatly on table use napkinto clean spills
Thank you for this article. My husband always tells me not to stack and always reminds me it’s not my job and even says he won’t tip if I’m going to other job because he takes me out to eat to enjoy a break from cleaning up etc. I ignore him every single time.
My mom taught me well. My husband has 4 brothers. None of them helped their mother in the kitchen or around the house.
It’s a matter of thoughtfulness to me. I raised 3 boys myself. They’re very helpful around the house and I always appreciate it.
Handing your plate to a professional waiter is a disaster in the making. Handing plates off can only end badly. As a waiter in a famous restaurant this caused me extreme anxiety. I do this for a living a dont drop plates. Dont put the waiter in a situation where it’s a I have it,you have it situation. This can only end badly. Relax and enjoy your meal. No moving targets with glass ware. No waving of napkins. No pulling on my suit jacked. No pouring your own wine. Take a qualude and chill out when your at a nice restaurant. Bow if your at a diner and you think it’s a good idea to help arm service Flo pass plates around. Be ready to wear your meal home. Dont be that guy!
I think we are getting in the weeds about whether to help clear a table instead of the message in the article
My wife did this on our first date and to this date after 24 years “we” still do so. She trained me well!! But for me it’s not just about helping; as I don’t want someone personally handling my plate I ate over. For sanitation reasons, It’s for their protection at best!!
I know that air travel can often feel like a cattle drive: flight attendants are often exhausted from “herding cats” day after day. I’ve taken to packing bags of Fun-size Snickers in my personal bag – at a quiet point in the flight, I’ll call the flight attendant over, express gratitude for what they do, and offer a bag for them to share (I’ll often do that for the departure gate attendant as well). It completely changes their countenance. You can bet that every passenger for the rest of the day benefited from that one small act of gratitude, and it only cost a few dollars.
I think being a mother I automatically do things. I’ve caught myself wiping water up off the sink in bathrooms using my paper towel after drying my hands. I clear off our table at restaurants. My husband would say stop that’s not your job. Guess what he does it now too. Just be kind, it doesn’t hurt!!!!!
I truly believe either you have empathy or you don’t. I am so happy I like to help people because I know 98% of people like a kind gesture. I know I do and I like to pass it on. I did learn in this article a better way to help the waitress at a restaurant and I will do that next time I eat out. A little kindness never hurt anyone. Pass it on!!
I have waited tabled for over 25 years in high end restaurants and I can tell you waiters don’t appreciate you stacking dishes or handing them to us, it is a disaster in the making. I know you think you’re helping but we have our on way of doing things, a rhythm that works for us and when you stack the dishes or handing us something it throws us off. Be polite, enjoy your meal and leave alone to do our jobs.
Whoa, wait… I read an article years ago that waitstaff don’t like it when you stack your dishes in an effort to help them, because they have their own preference of clearing the tables. Did things change, or was I misinformed?
My second job, in 1972, was as a busboy/dishwasher. I learned to hate families, w/ kids. They were pigs. Food all over the place. Their parents didn’t do anything to keep their brats from making a huge mess. I swore that I’d never do that, leave a mess for the staff to clean up. I’ve kept that promise. I keep my area as clean as possible, I know how to stack plates. Everyone I know, who worked in the restaurant business, does the same thing. I think everyone should have to do this kid of work, when young. It teaches respect for what servers and cleaners have to deal with.
Don’t do someone else’s job for them – it’s rude. The busser has a method and you’re screwing it up.
Showing kindness and empathy for others is a lost traits with so many these days. Opening the door or helping clear off a table for someone else isn’t about what I get out of it. It’s about helping and making someone else’s day better. As happy as I am. Being kind and showing you care about others is important. It’s just what I do and want no recognition. I grew up with my parents saying be kind and help others. Opening and holding a door for someone could brighten up there day. It could possibly guide them to a happy ness they deserve.
If you don’t pay it forward, you’ll never appreciate what you’ll receive. Karma.
I do this at the grocery all the time when the cashier doesn’t have a bagger and has a line, or I have quite a few groceries. It’s helping her, the waiting customers and myself! Just appreciate her trying to keep up and not walking away from it all…
I was a bus girl for several years. Individuals who clear off tables take are of our loved ones are not paired enough. I always help the bus boys and girls. I thank a nurse and other health care workers, military and first responders with mouth individuals like them where would society be. I know this first hand I also, worked in the health field. Lifting a helping hand never hurt anyone. So, ask yourself what if that was my job? Would I want respect. They deserve respect the same as anyone else. I’ll keep leading a hand any way possible.